


Family Fun

by silver_drip



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Asgardian Tony Stark, Humor, M/M, Parent Loki (Marvel), Parent Tony Stark, Pregnancy, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-07 23:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21466051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_drip/pseuds/silver_drip
Summary: Loki is causing mischief in New York when his Asgardian husband, Tony Stark, comes to visit.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 518
Kudos: 1044





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm hoping that this story will be mostly humor. I've already got about 9k written, but I post about weekly so that I don't run out of chapters then leave you all waiting for month(s).

* * *

Natasha supposed that it made sense that there was a spectrum when it came to Asgardians. It wouldn’t make sense for them all to be either homicidal or sunshine and ponies. Loki was blood-thirsty, always causing destruction. Thor was almost as (self) righteous as Steve with his do-good attitude. It was a clear dichotomy that had slipped unnoticed into Natasha’s mindset. 

It didn’t help that she’d only met two, but now a third was present and she was having a hard time getting a read on him. 

*

Tony Stark wasn’t built like Thor and he wasn’t lanky like Loki. He had the finery of a prince, but calloused hands of a worker. His eyes were almost cold as he looked around, but there was a hint of humor there that made Natasha uncomfortable. 

He embraced Thor like a brother, but they were both wary of each other. 

“Are you friend or foe?” Thor asked, the pair still close to each other. Natasha didn’t tense, but the other Avengers around her did. 

Tony gave a smile that was wry. “I have, and always will be, unwaveringly loyal to myself.” 

Thor sighed. “I see. Join us for our feast then and rest your head here.” 

“Just for tonight, brother.” 

Natasha thought over the term ‘brother’, how it was delivered almost sarcastically. There was venom there, but also humor. She exchanged a look with Steve, telling him to get a hold of the situation.

“This is great!” Steve said while stepping into the conversation. “I’ve had spaghetti sauce cooking all day! I just need to add a few more ingredients and we’ll have a good supper!” He moved closer to the pair, lowering his shield that had been poised since Tony first appeared out of the ether on their front lawn. “I’m Steve Rogers, Captain America—one of Thor’s, uhm, shield-brothers.” 

“We’ll he’s no Frandral, but I think he’ll have to do when it comes to blond eye-candy,” Tony said, a hint of a smile on his lips. Thor ducked his head and mumbled something Natasha couldn’t hear. “Would you like to come to my bed tonight, mortal? Or has Thor claimed you already?”

Steve made a choked off noise, his face coloring with a blush. 

Thor reached for Tony, grabbing him loosely by his upper-arm. “Please, Tony. Do not invite disaster to our table.” 

Tony pulled himself free. “I’ve always been a good guest. Remind me who it was that always led us to diplomatic ruin with their drunken merriment?” 

“Tony—” 

“Oh, yes, I’ve heard the All-Daddy. You’ve apparently  _ changed _ . Don’t you think it’s a bit odd that you’ve been allowed to stay down here? Don’t you think he would want to show you off to the other realms, unless he’s hiding something,  _ again _ .” Tony straightened up, a smile sliding into place. “But I’m being rude. Thank you for the invitation, Steve Rogers. Tell me more about spaghetti.” 

Steve recovered from the social whiplash. “Oh, uhm, it’s a pasta dish,” he continued describing it while leading them back to the building the Avengers called home. 

Clint fell in step with Natasha. “What do you think?” he asked softly. 

Natasha’s conclusion was clear. “He’s bad news.” 

*

Before they could even put parmesan on their spaghetti, the emergency klaxons went off. “A villain is attacking,” Steve said, reading Tony’s curious expression. 

Tony grinned and looked at Thor. “With you gone I haven’t had a chance to wet my blade.” 

Steve wanted to say something, but he couldn’t find the words. This could be a disaster. He had a hard enough time directing Thor, another Asgardian would just make it worse. 

“It will be just like old times!” Thor clapped him on the back, but he was unmoved. 

“Hardly, Thor. Hardly.” There was a glint in Tony’s eyes. 

Thor’s smile disappeared. 

When Steve found the words, Natasha moved to his side and whispered, “Fury wants us to let it play out. He might be an asset.” Steve could tell she wasn’t happy about it though. “Two Asgardians are better than one.”

Steve sucked in a deep breathe. “No killing,” he said, wishing that he didn’t have to specify that. “We capture and turn them into SHIELD.” 

“No killing. I can do that.” Tony’s voice was casual. He had pulled out a sword from nowhere and was, for a lack of a better term, playing with it. 

“The mortals are delicate. Have care,” Thor said diplomatically. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’ve been to Midgard a thousand times more than you.” His sword made a deadly noise as it cut through the air. Golden light followed in its wake. “I’m getting bored.” 

“Then we must make haste!” Thor looked—he looked downright panicked. Thor laughed awkwardly, ushering Tony to the quinjet. 

“Shall I tell you of our recent adventures?” Thor’s voice was tight. “Mayhaps sing your favorite ballad?” 

Tony grinned. It was cat-like, devious. “Tell me about your shield-brothers and sister.” 

“Of course! A wonderful idea!” Thor laughed while looking to the others. “Isn’t that a wonderful idea!” 

Something was seriously wrong. They hadn’t had a chance to question Thor about Tony, or train with him. He was a variable that could get them killed. “Thor, maybe Tony should sit on the sidelines for this one. Just until he gets a feeling for how we work,” Steve suggested. 

“And we can tell him our own stories,” Natasha added in. It took a moment for Steve to realize that Thor could inadvertently tell Tony classified information. Thankfully Natasha picked up on the subtleties that alluded Steve. 

Tony let out a hum, a frown forming. 

“Hahaha, you all are so funny!” He practically pushed the other Avengers into the quinjet. “Tony is a grand warrior—an even better warrior than me!”

“Oh, Thurr, you flatter me.” Tony slurred his name, blushing. “Shall I grace you with a kiss on the cheek? A blessing on Mjolnir?” 

This was getting seriously weird. Thor was acting like Tony was a diplomat that would decide the fate of Asgard. 

“Haha, you needn’t waste your energy.” Thor did the oddest thing, tilting his hip so that Tony couldn’t see Mjolnir. “The mortals are no threat to me!”

“And your mortals? They could use a blessing.” 

Thor waved his hands, his nervous laugh almost perpetual. “No, no, let them prove themselves to you!” 

Tony shrugged. “As you wish.” 

In the quinjet Natasha kept trying to get Thor to go to the front of the cockpit where the pilot was to doubtlessly talk about Tony. Steve tried to help, but Thor was dead set on talking to Tony, rambling. 

Steve cut through it by giving them the information on their target. Hydra agents were swarming a museum, stealing artifacts of dubious origins. There were hostages, including to classes of children that were on a fieldtrip. 

He pulled up the blueprints of the museum that SHIELD had sent them. “Alright, gang, this is how we’ll do it.” He explained in more detail than usual, trying to tamper down his uneasiness. It looked like Tony wasn’t listening to him at all. He was playing with what looked like a complex Rubix Cube, but with all gold sides and random bursts of light. His movements were rhythmic as he stared into space. 

Thor kept shooting him worried looks. 

After a beat of Steve not speaking, Thor picked back up his chattering, now flattering Tony. 

Clint grumbled something and Steve sighed. 

*

Steve rubbed the bridge of his nose as they took their seats in the quinjets. The fight had been… not ideal. Far, far from ideal. 

“I only did as you said to. They’re alive and detained, aren’t they?” Tony asked, but it was clear he knew he crossed the line. His smile was petulant. “If anything, dismemberment made it easier for you all to capture them. I’m sure they’ll regrow their limbs eventually.” Tony waved dismissively. 

“When a leg is gone it’s gone,” Clint said, looking at Tony and then glancing at Thor. “I don’t know what it’s like up there in Asgard—”

“Asgardians can’t regrow theirs either, but I was in a good mood when we fought. At least  _ some _ of them will get their legs back.” Tony looked all too pleased with himself. 

“You knew what Steve meant, and you ignored it,” Natasha accused him. She looked composed, but Steve could tell she was a bit frazzled. He wasn’t sure why though. 

Tony frowned, then pursed his lips. The quinjet hit a pocket of turbulence.

“Drinks all around!” Thor practically shouted. “I know you, brother! You surely have your flask!” 

Tony reached into one of the folds of his armor. “Have I ever been without it since our first trip to the taverns of Muspelheim?” The flask looked like it had been carved out of ivory. He popped off the top with his thumb before taking a swig. He tossed it to Thor, not a drop spilling. 

Thor laughed. “A bawdy adventure that was! How my hair had been so long! How cruel you had been not to hold it back as the mead fought its way out of me! Loki—” Thor abruptly cut himself off. 

“Yes, what about Loki?” Tony’s voice was biting. The quinjet lurched again and Steve was seeing a pattern that hopefully wasn’t there. 

Thor cleared his throat. “He sheared my hair like I was a wee lamb! For three weeks he and I battled and it stormed for even longer!” 

“Three weeks?” Clint scoffed. “Loki can barely hold his own against us for three minutes.” The bow on Clint’s lap cracked, the string freeing and slashing deep into Clint’s hand. “Son of a bitch!” 

Natasha shot up to grab the first-aid kit. 

“Tony—” 

“Peace, brother. I’m not interested in your little debriefing.” Tony stood, his hand on the hilt of his sword. “I’ll find my own entertainment.” In a swirl of magic that was familiar, yet gold instead of green, Tony disappeared. 

“What the hell is going on?” Natasha asked. She was mechanically working on Clint’s bloody gash. Steve was likewise concerned. 

Thor slumped in his seat. “Tony is… As I am the God of Thunder, and Loki is the God of Mischief, Tony is the God of Luck—good luck and  _ bad _ luck.” Thor brushed his hair back. “His mood dictates the luck of those around them. Doubtlessly he was banished  _ again _ from Asgard for his ill disposition.” 

“Is Earth your dad’s favorite dumping ground?” Clint asked, a bite in his voice. He was staring down at his broken bow. 

“I’m sure it’s not like that, Clint.” Despite what he said, Steve wasn’t certain. 

“Even the All-Father cannot force Tony to go anywhere. He tried taking Tony’s godhood once and his spear exploded in his hands and nearly killed him.” 

“Why is he here, then?” 

Thor glanced at each of them. “There can only be one reason, to see Loki.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D

* * *

They were sitting around a table at SHIELD, debriefing. No one was having a good time. 

“The mother fucking Titanic,” Nick Fury said in a flat voice. 

“Ah! Like the movie! Was there truly such a romance as Jack and Rose’s?” Thor was already on Fury’s last nerve. “Surely ships running into icebergs is normal! It is ridiculous to blame every disaster on Tony!”

“Thor, you’re the one that brought up that example,” Natasha reminded him. 

“No, I’m sure that Tony only sunk a dingy! It’s truly not his fault. As the thunder follows my anger, so does bad luck follow Tony’s. The Norns decided that with his foul moods others should cower—That sounds bad.”

“Yes, Thor, that does sound bad,” Clint mocked, his broken bow on the table in front of him. 

“He has blessed your lands many times though! Last he came to Midgard, gold sprung from the ground! Haha, isn’t that wonderful!” 

“How do we get rid of him?” Fury asked, cutting through Thor’s nervous laughter. 

“Such a thing is not so simply done, my friends.” Thor sighed and shifted in his too small seat. “The only one who holds any sway over Tony is Loki.” 

“What. The. Fuck.” Clint slammed his unwounded hand on the table. “So your psycho brother just got a new weapon?!” 

Thor held up his empty hands. “Just the opposite! They have been blissfully wed for many centuries!”

“Why are we only now hearing that Loki is married?” Fury asked. The vein on his forehead was pulsing aggressively. 

“Tis it not in your lore? Your histories knew of Loki and me.” Thor’s brow was furrowed, but Fury didn’t buy it for even a second. 

He cut through the nonsense. “What kind of fallout are we looking at here? Will Tony aid Loki?”

Thor brushed his hand through his beard. “That is hard to say, my friends. Nary a mischief of Loki’s happened without Tony having some part in it. He does not care for murder though. I believe he only accompanied us to fight Hydra to cause me stress.” He leaned forward. “In my and Loki’s absences he must fulfill our responsibilities to Asgard, save diplomatic missions. The other realms refuse to negotiate with him in fear that denying him would cause a great disaster.” 

“Fuck,” Clint said under his breath. “Are you telling me Loki has a WMD that he can unleash whenever he feels like it?” 

Klaxon deafened them for a moment. 

“Ah,” Thor’s voice cut through the alarm, “they must be arguing.”

*

47 fires, 12 sunken ships, a gas main explosion, countless car accidents, 2 riots, and a partridge in a pear tree. 

Natasha was exhausted. Fucking aliens. It was worse than when Loki invaded. At least then they had an actual enemy to fight against. This time it was like they were chasing their tails, running into deadends and tripping over each other. 

The only positive was that the mayhem didn’t reach much further than New York City, which was still a hell of a lot of ground to cover. They had to throw in the towel at roughly three in the morning when the city blacked out. That led to more fires, but by then the National Guard had taken over. 

Thor had gone in search of Loki and Tony, but made clear finding them was highly unlikely. 

Natasha just wanted to go to sleep, but the damn faucet was leaking a steady drip-drop that made her want to pull out her hair. When she went into the TV room, a spring burst through her favorite couch. The AC wasn’t working and she’d spilled her cup of calming tea. 

It was like Tony was specifically targeting her—Or at least she would have thought so if she hadn’t seen the exhausted and exasperated look on her fellow Avengers’ faces. 

“We could… play Monopoly?” Steve suggested. Natasha grunted in agreement. Clint said nothing. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d played when sleep wouldn’t come.

When they pulled out the boardgame, the dice were missing.

*

The following day was the polar opposite. Countless people won the lottery, insurance claims went through, rare books and paintings were found, a previously extinct bird was seen. Natasha just wanted to shoot the TV and ignore the world. 

“They have made up,” Thor said while walking into the lounge. “Shall we break our fast?!” 

“What’s to stop Tony from setting New York on fire again?” Steve asked. Natasha had thought he’d still been sleeping on the couch. 

“Nay, such a thing will not happen!” Thor was all grins. “They have reunited and decided to have another child!”

Natasha paled and exchanged a look with Steve. 

“Who the hell let them adopt?” Clint said scathingly. 

“Adopt? No, my friend. Loki is a shapeshifter. He had taken on the form of a woman many times.” He chuckled. “One time—”

Natasha cut him off. “Thor, are they going back to Asgard?”

“Not until Loki is close to his due-date. He always insists that mother helps deliver.” He took in a deep breath. “It will be their thirteenth child!” 

Steve was stuck speechless. 

Clint and Natasha exchanged a look. “Please tell me they’re not going to bring the whole brood here.” 

Thor’s brow furrowed. “Were you all not aware? Many of them are already here.” 

Clint let out a choking noise. 

“Thor, I have to wonder,” Steve said carefully, “what else you have neglected to tell us?” 

“As I have little knowledge of your lore, I cannot answer your question fully.” It was such a weak excuse that Natasha was tempted to slap Thor on the back of his head—Better yet, hit him with her Widow Bites. 

“Just,” Clint sighed, “spit it out.” 

Thor shifted on his feet, donning a fake smile. “Loki is, haha, said to start the apocalypse.” 

Clint slumped forward. “What even is my life?” 

“Ragnarok,” Natasha filled in. She knew, with absolute certainty, that Fury had asked him about it and he said it was a mistranslation. Apparently they should have asked for clarification. 

“Well, Jormungandr isn’t big enough yet, so it can’t be Ragnarok.” 

“Yet?  _ Yet?! _ ” Clint began pulling on his hair. Natasha stopped him, knowing there was a real chance he’d rip it out. “We need to kill him. We need to kill them  _ both _ .” 

Thor stood a bit taller. “Loki is of Asgard. He faces only Asgard’s judgement, and the All-Father has already deemed him innocent.” The room fell silent and it took a moment for Thor to realize what he’d said. “Ah, I mean, actually that—You see—”

“Have you even been trying to catch him?!” Clint shouted. Natasha was also furious, but refused to show it. Steve was pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“It would not be a fight if my goal was not to win,” Thor said firmly. 

“What constitutes winning to you, Thor?” Natasha was eyeing him warily. Clint sat down with his head in his hands. He was using breathing techniques, but she knew they would only do so much for him. 

“To best him in battle!” Thor glanced around. “You must understand that once that was easy for me, but with Loki no longer being bound by Asgard he uses his magic freely now. Even I can not outmatch him in this.” 

Steve gaped at him. 

Thor put up one of his hands. “You all have not seen his full power. With his magic he can still Mjolnir.”

Clint shot to his feet. “So all this time he’s been playing us?!” 

“My friends, look at it this way: Loki didn’t use his full powers during the invasion of your realm. Would you want him to do so now?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cackles while stirring cauldron*  
*accidentally knocks in a bottle mild gore*  
Damn it...

* * *

Thor stood firmly in the SHIELD boardroom. “I shan’t say.” 

“You’re on thin ice already. Do you really want to see what happens when it breaks?” Fury threatened from the head of the table. The others were sitting with varying levels of stress weighing on their shoulders.

“The question has already been answered.” Thor turned his head to the side, not looking at Fury or the other Avengers. “It is no fault of mine that you did not listen.” 

“You’re brother just claimed New York as his. That doesn’t tell me shit about where he holes up at night.” Fury took in a deep breath. “I want to know where that fucker sleeps so we can kick him and his boy toy out of Earth and my hair.”

Thor contained his snort at Fury being bald. It must be another Midgardian saying. 

“Loki does not stay in one place often, but as his pregnancy persists he likes to nest. I have nary a doubt that he will choose somewhere luxurious and safe to settle down.” Thor nodded to himself. He may have possibly, on an off chance by a thin margin known where Loki  _ had _ been staying, but with Tony back the old apartment had been abandoned. 

“Director Fury!” a nameless SHIELD agent said while barging into the room. “A tsunami has hit the coast!”

“Avengers Assemble!” Steve shouted. 

“Haha, yes!” Thor decided not to mention that the tsunami was probably caused by Jormungandr coming to visit his parents.

*

Natasha clicked her nails against the armrest. It was one of the few shows of body language that she didn’t control consciously. “This fog isn’t natural,” she said in an even tone, yet it reverberated in the hull of the quinjet. 

“Mysterio?” Steve looked around the group. “Has Spider-Man been spotted?” 

Natasha pressed her com snugger into her ear. There was an intermittent chatter of status updates. She was the only one who ever wore the comlink before battle. It would have to blare for Clint to hear his, Steve thought it was distracting, and Thor broke or lost it within minutes of a fight breaking out.

“Not yet. We have coordinates for the epicenter, though. Central Park,” she reported. 

“How delightful! My lightning can freely strike down foes without worrying about the metal that fills your streets!”

“They’re called cars, Thor. We’ve talked about this.” Clint slouched in his seat. “I hate when I can’t see.”

“I’ll need you to focus on evacuating civilians, Hawkeye,” Steve said. Natasha almost complimented him for redirecting Clint away from the anxiety that started clawing him when he was down two senses. “Natasha, try to contain anything that comes out of the fog. Thor, I don’t want you to fly too far ahead. We don’t want a repeat of the last time Mysterio got in your head.” 

Thor frowned deeply. “It was a sad day for us all.”

Clint snorted.

*

“Finally, the zombie apocalypse! We already have the ultimate team!” Clint said as the Quinjet descended to the edge of the fogged area. 

“No we don’t. We’d need a doctor and a builder.” It was one of Natasha and Clint’s ongoing arguments. 

“I can build a sniper’s nest,” Clint grumbled.

They both turned their attention to the matter at hand. 

There were people and animals in various levels of decay in the thick fog, walking in jerking motions. She really hoped this wasn’t the start of the zombie apocalypse. She’d survive it, but would miss the luxuries that she indulged in since escaping the Red Room. Heated blankets would be hard to use if civilization collapsed. 

Before they landed Thor and Steve grabbed each others forearm. They took off, heading for the epicenter. Steve would be dropped for a surprise attack with Thor following seconds behind them. 

These were the times Natasha wished they had another aerial team member. 

When they landed humidity stuck to Natasha’s skin like she was in a rainforest. There was the smell of decay, and the air was heavy. 

The first opponent appeared. Her widow bites had no effect, but a bullet to the head put them down. It only added credence to Clint’s ravings. 

As she was ordered, she stuck to the perminator, keeping the enemies from getting out of the fog, but she was only one person. There was only so much she could do. They needed more team members, but Fury said no one qualified. 

There was the deafening sound of ice cracking. The fog swirled in a vortex before dissipating. Natasha’s view became clear and she was startled with what she saw. 

The enemy hadn’t been randomly spreading. Natasha could tell by their formation that they’d been a distraction, keeping her away from the main event. 

A handful of zombies were in the middle of it all. She zoned in on Steve first. He was pinned on his back with Mjolnir on his chest. He was struggling, but the enchanted hammer didn’t budge. Thor was wringing his hands—Natasha rolled her eyes. Of course—of  _ course _ ! Why was it always Loki?

Their first foe was in a female form and was hugging a girl that looked to be twelve or thirteen years old. From her gitup she was another Asgardian—if not even more obnoxious. The tweener was decked out in a black and emerald green body suit that just made her look gangly and awkward. She was wearing a helmet that sprouted out from the temples of her head into ugly, sharp angles. 

Tony was there too, grinning brightly. It took Natasha a few seconds too long to notice that the zombies closest to them were caring riches, ornamental weapons, and—Natasha wanted to facepalm.  _ Baby supplies _ . 

So fucking predictable. Loki’s pregnancy was causing them problems. 

“Cap, what’s going on?” Natasha asked while edging forward. The zombies had stopped attacking, but many were watching her closely.

Steve didn’t respond. 

“I’ve got a clear shot on Loki,” Clint reported. 

“Stand down. Whatever is happening now is in a delicate balance. If we attack Loki now all hell could break loose.” Natasha hated doing so, but they really had no choice. 

SHIELD agents might have started swarming Central Park, but they wouldn’t stand a chance if Tony sent their luck plummeting. 

“This is bullshit! What's the point of being an Avenger if I can't beat the shit out of Loki?!" Clint let out an animalistic noise. 

Through the comlink she heard the twang of his boystring. 

An arrow went flying from her far left straight at Loki—And it disintegrated in a flash of inky green. 

At the wave of the girls hand, black column sized swords rose out of the ground. In a sharp movement their tips turned towards Clint’s location. 

Before Natasha could usher a word they split the air and went straight for Clint. There was a pained, gutted noise that went straight through Natasha’s heart. She knew what death sounded like, and that was it.

In a rage she unholstered her second gun, aiming for the girl. Shot after shot—but they never reached her. 

Black slitted through the air towards her. It was a cold feeling as each one pierced her, so different than all the other times she was at death’s door.

*

“No!” Steve screamed, watching as Natasha was eviscerated. He couldn’t breathe, feeling like Mjolnir was pushing him under water. 

The swords bent around her, destroying what little of her was recognizable. 

Steve tore at Mjolnir, nails breaking and blood coloring the leather hilt. 

Over the insanity that had befallen them so fast, he heard Tony  _ tsk _ . 

“Hela, what have we told you about killing friends?” Tony said in a scolding manner. Steve almost laughed at the absurdity of it. 

The girl, Hela, scoffed. “They were attacking us.” 

Loki flicked her on the forehead. “You knew that they were no threat. Bring them back.”

“But  _ fatherrrrrr! _ ” And how it reminded him of Bucky’s little sister when she didn’t get her way. It made no sense. “I’m the Goddess of Death, not,” she made a face, “ _ life _ .” 

“I won’t hear another word of that, young lady.” Loki snapped their fingers and two puddles of flesh and bone appeared right next to Steve. Blood seeped into his uniform, making him want to vomit. 

“Whatever.” She made a sweeping motion and dark, murky magic fell from her hand. Like a fog it descended. When it touched the gore it turned into maggots, eating the flesh with a wet chittering noise. Steve gagged. When there were no remains the bugs screeched and exploded into black ash. It was swept upwards, condensing into two human shapes. 

A strange, ice like hope pierced his heart. The ash solidified into pale skin and terrified eyes. 

Natasha fell onto her knees, clutching her midsection. Her lips were moving, but no words escaped them.

Clint was motionless, only a thousand-yard stare giving away that he was somewhere in his head. 

They were both naked and bald. 

“I do  _ not _ need to see that,” Loki said while gesturing to Natasha, and it took Steve a bit too long to notice that despite looking female, Loki’s voice hadn’t changed. 

“Too gay to play, I know.” There was a shift of gold magic that clothed Clint and Natasha.

“My friends, I think it is best that we return to SHIELD,” Thor said. “Queen Hela will do no harm to anyone else so long as their picnic is not disturbed.” 

An open basket ladened down with food appeared in Hela’s arms. “I’ve brought your favorite pregnancy foods, father. Dad, grandma says hello.” 

“Really? Have you finally learned how to make her realm famous bread yet?”

Hela ducked her head. “I hate cooking,” she grumbled. 

Tony’s smile was indulgent. “You are the only one who inherited her cooking magic.”

Hela rolled her eyes. “The only one so far.” She leaned down and poked at Loki’s stomach. “Don’t let me down, sprog.” 

“We must go,” Thor said. Steve looked back at him. He was caring Clint and Natasha over his shoulders. Mjolnir flew to his hand. Steve still felt like he was going to let out bubbling laughs of insanity. 

Instead, he fell in line with Thor and let all his thoughts become a dull buzz. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was supposed to be light, but plot keeps happening!!

* * *

Natasha and Clint were in medical as Steve tried to explain what happened to Fury. He’d never been so at a loss for words since Bucky fell off the train. 

Thor was not being helpful. 

To make things worse, there had been some sort of barrier around the area that had rendered recording devices inoperable. All the information would have to come from either Steve or Thor. Neither had much to say, though. 

Thankfully Fury moved on, but demanded to have the debriefing when he was more put together. 

“Twelve.” Fury said in a monotone. Steve wished he had that sort of composure, but he couldn’t get the image of his dead teammates, his dead  _ friends _ , out of his head. 

“Thirteen once Loki gives birth,” Thor tapped his chin, “though he has often had more than one child at a time. His highest number is four, but that was when he and Tony were in the form of wolves so that was to be expected…” Thor pursed his lips in thought. 

“How many more should we expect to visit?” 

“Beate and Bodil are twin Bee-Fey and prefer the nectar of Idunn’s garden and trees so they may stay there and just wait for Loki and Tony to come to Asgard for birth, but… worry not about them. The worse they can do is poison soil, and only temporarily.” 

Steve closed his eyes. Things had been so much simpler when he was just a kid from Brooklyn. Gods, fairies, zombies. What was next? Giant squirrels?

“And you have all met their youngest son.” Thor chuckled. 

“What?” Fury asked sharply. 

“Spider-Man, of course! He is a prodigious youth, traveling from realm to realm to learn as Tony did at his age. He has Loki’s shape shifting abilities. His true form is that of a spider, similar to the Shelob of the Middle-Earth.” Thor gave Steve a confused look. “Did you not notice his and Loki’s comfortable banter as they fought? He became a warrior in this realm just to spar with Loki.” 

Steve blinked in confusion, trying to puzzle out if this was all some prank or tactless joke. 

“Why did you neglect to tell us this?” Fury asked. 

“He wears a mask. Surely he wants to remain anonymous.” Thor said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. “He has done no harm to your realm, only helped.”

Fury closed his eye and took in a deep breath. “We’ll shelve that for now. What about the others? Are they going to ‘visit’?”

Thor cleared his throat. “Haha, does it count as visiting if they already live here?” His voice was high. Steve wanted to hit his head on the table repeatedly. Fury gave no response. “Jormungandr has resided in Midgard since he grew too big for Asgard’s waters. Midgard is 71% ocean and he is a sea-serpent so,” he flapped his hand as if that explained everything. “He has already blessed and gifted them.” 

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling us something?” 

Thor shifted in his seat. “Haha, well you see, Jormungandr is the God of Turbulent Waters—His title sounds much better in Asgardian—Do you remember when that wee wave hit the coast?” 

“Get the hell out of my sight.” 

Thor fled, moving faster on his feet than Steve had ever seen him before. 

*

Steve brought Natasha a cup of her favorite tea. Clint had taken time off to go visit his family which Steve didn’t know existed beforehand. 

It had been a week since the disaster in Central Park and she hadn’t said a single word in English yet. He only knew a few words and phrases in Russian, but couldn’t pick up what she was whispering. 

On her head was a slight fuzz of her hair growing back. Her fingers had small crescents of nails starting to peek from under her skin.

It was unreal and Steve wished he could just help her. 

He played her favorite movies and wrapped her in her favorite heated blanket. 

SHIELD’s psych department had worked with her and said only time could heal her since she refused to talk. 

Now the Avengers were halved—Not that he could blame Natasha or Clint. He was still in denial of what happened, he couldn’t imagine where their headspace was. 

Steve was worried what would happen when the next villain would attack. He considered contacting Dr. Banner. He’d been invaluable during the invasion, but had left immediately after, saying that he was too dangerous to stay in a populated area. If only he believed in himself. Steve should have tried harder to inspire him into staying. 

Natasha gasped, drawing Steve’s attention back to her. She dropped her tea on her lap before bolting to her feet.

“Natasha?” he said carefully, but she didn’t look at him. 

Her body shuddered before she began frantically stripping. 

Steve looked away. “What are you doing? Do you want me to call someone?” He fretted with his hands, not knowing what to do. 

She was searching her skin like it was new to her—Maybe it was new to her. 

“My scars,” she said under her breath, “they’re gone.” She shuddered then looked at him with tearful eyes. “Who— _ what _ am I?”

Steve lifted her blanket and put it around her, trying to find the words. 

“You’re Natasha, my friend and teammate.” 

Natasha sunk into the blanket, taking it with her to the floor. Steve sat beside her.

“They were all there, Steve.  _ All  _ of them.” 

“Scars are… Scars are accidents.” His mouth felt dry, like his voice was on the verge of breaking. “Sometimes they’re a reminder of mistakes, but you’re smart, Natasha—one of the smartest people I know. You don’t need reminders.”

Natasha let out a mirthless laugh, and that was progress, wasn’t it?

“Not the scars, Steve. When I was… When I was no longer here, all the people I’d killed were there. They were shouting at me and asking why I did it. That wasn’t the worst of it though. There were other people too, the loved ones of the people I murdered. They were crying and blaming me. I couldn’t close my eyes and all I could see was death.” She looked over to him. “That’s my legacy and my future, Steve. Take away all my masks and I’m just a killer.” 

“No, Natasha, that’s not right.” Steve hesitantly put his arm around her. She sunk into her embrace. “I know you. I’ve seen all the good you’ve done. You’ve had a rough beginning, but you’ve done so much good since then. You’ve saved lives and you’re bettering this world one day at a time.” He squeezed her shoulder. 

“It will never be enough. No matter what I do, I can’t take back all those murders, all those deaths that I thought were necessary to succeed and keep living. I should have killed myself before the Red Room sent me on my first mission.”

Steve’s heart stuttered. “Don’t… don’t say stuff like that. You deserve to live,” he couldn’t find the right words to convey his feelings. 

She stood up, his arm dropping away. “I’m going to visit Clint and his family. I don’t know when— _ if _ I’ll come back.” 

Steve looked at his hands, wishing he could do more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The humor returns next chapter!
> 
> Fyi I'm starting a Discord channel called Marvel Fanwork Previews next week for people to share clips of their WIPs. I'll post an invite link w my next chapter ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter and I hope you will too!

* * *

Fury slapped a magazine on the boardroom table. 

Steve and Thor sat across from him. Thor was fidgeting, which could only mean one thing: Loki was involved. 

Fury slid the magazine across the table. Steve caught it and turned it around. 

Yup, it was about Loki, or more specifically Tony. 

‘Who is Tony Stark?’ was plastered on the front of the Financial Times Weekly, accompanied by a picture of him in a suit. 

Thor let out a nervous chuckle. 

Steve sighed and turned to the indicated page. 

** _The new kid in town!_ ** _ Tony Stark came out of nowhere with a bang. With the help of a DNA test he was confirmed to be Howard Stark’s, former head of Stark Industries, son. In accordance with the deceased Stark’s will, all the shares that Obidiah Stane, his former business partner, had inherited go to Tony Stark. The take-over was swift with nearly all board-members ousting Stane and electing Stark as the new CEO. _

_ That was only the first step for this rising star! In true Stark fashion he invented a plethora of tactical gear and weapons. He also took the leap into the clean energy industry, patenting a reactor that many scientists have claimed to be the renewable, self-sustaining, and opening a new branch in science. _

_ He reinvested his new funds in over 40 start-up companies and in the span of a month became a billionaire, his current value being 98 billion USD. _

** _Beff Jezos is out and Tony Stark is in!_ ** _ In a strange change of fortune Mr. Jezos was forced to sell many of his shares of Zamazon due to multiple lawsuits being closed out of his favor, including many human-rights violations. With him going to jail, Zamazon’s stocks plummeted. Stark was able to buy up and buy out many shares, using over half his fortune. _

** _Kindness pays! _ ** _ Stark has set out a new plan for Zamazon that had many stockholders nervous... _

Steve ground his teeth together, trying not to let his anger out. That bastard had taken one of the best people from his past and rewrote him. Howard may have been a playboy back in the day, but Steve knew he’d never cheat on his wife. 

He skimmed past the money mumbo-jumbo to the interview. 

“My brother does demand staying in the lap of luxury. Norns know that their marital home rivals Asgard’s palace.” Steve hadn’t noticed that Thor was reading over his shoulder. “Doubtlessly they have purchased one in the New York.” Steve handed him the magazine

“Stark has been raised another level on our threat list,” Fury said. “The economic impact he could make would be cataclysmic for our nation and the world.” 

“What do you want us to do?” Steve couldn’t help the exasperation that was coloring his voice. “I doubt exposing that he’s connected to Loki and an Asgardian is going to get any positive results.” 

“My agents have confirmed that they are going to a gala tonight. Rogers, I want you there.” 

Thor smiled broadly. “Haha, a splendid idea! I shall pull out my best armor!” 

Fury shot Thor a look. “Not you. You’re staying at SHIELD and answering every question we can think of about your brother and his husband.” Thor visibly wilted. 

*

Steve adjusted his bowtie, feeling like a dancing monkey again. He knew he shouldn’t disparage it though. Covert infiltration was Natasha’s wheelhouse. He knew that the information she’d gathered on her missions was invaluable. Looking the part was key to playing the spy game. At least he didn’t have to wear one of those digital masks that made him feel like his face was covered in static cobwebs. 

He was meant to glean as much as he could while also reminding Loki and Tony that SHIELD was watching. 

Steve went in through a side door to the gala venue, not wanting to lend credence to Tony being Howard’s son. Steve still wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he next saw Tony. 

He put on his best smile as he heard the pleasing music of gala before stepping into the area. The glam and glitz of it all made him a little sick. Women were decked out in jewelry and elaborate outfits. Men’s suits were sharp, matching their glinting cufflinks and overdone watches. The shark grins and cloying perfumes made him feel as small as he had before the serum. These were not his type of people, but he was on a mission. 

Tony and Loki were easy to spot. Unlike other men, Tony’s suit wasn’t black. The fabric was a deep magenta with an ornate pattern on it. Linked to his arm was Loki in a golden dress, no baby-bump in sight. 

The pair had complete control of the room, and Steve could almost see why people would think he was Howard’s son. 

Steve took a flute of champagne. It was too dry for his taste, but it helped him blend in. He made his rounds, listening in on what people were saying about Tony. A lot of people didn’t know what to think about them—but those were only the ones who hadn’t spoken to him directly yet. The ones that had practically gushed about his economic prowess, genius, and loving wife. 

Steve was exasperated and wanted to tear down the narrative that Tony and Loki were building. For using Howard’s name in vain, for how lost Natasha was, and for how Clint fled. 

Somehow it had all been easier when Loki was enchanting trees to attack people. Now they were… The only word for it was insidious. They were slipping into the everyday lives of people. Steve was still a bit nauseous when Fury told him how many people Tony now had in his employ. 

Loki didn’t care about the destruction he left in his wake. Anyone married to him had to be the same. 

The pair made their way over to him. “You make glaring look good,” Tony flirted. Steve reeled back, not because he was a man, but because he was a villain. What game was he playing? 

Then he remembered what he did, that claimed he was Howard’s son. “How dare you stain the reputation of an American hero.” Steve kept his voice down, the words coming out gruffly. “Howard was a patriot.” 

Tony snorted. “Did you notice how Thor’s last name is his father’s first name plus son? It’s how it is in all the other realms, but my last name is just Stark. You want to know why?” Steve tried to object. “That was rhetorical. I come from a long line of randy ancestors. Kids were often the result and to make sure none of us interbreed we decided to keep our last name Stark.” Tony grinned. “In all likelihood, Howard is related to me, but more of a distant cousin than father.” 

“In each realm it is likely to run into at least one Stark,” Loki said while rolling his eyes. “They are a fertile bunch. Norns know that in most realms people only have two or three children, and yet we are soon to have our thirteenth.” Loki shoved Tony, but there was no real push behind it. 

“I’m aiming for a nice even 20 kids.”

Loki scoffed. “Next time we’re having an egg. I’m not looking forward to back pain and hate when I have to waddle.” 

Tony kissed Loki’s cheek. “We’re making the realms a better place by spreading our combined genius.” He nuzzled Loki’s neck. 

Steve wanted to roll his eyes. “I saw how old that Hela girl is. How do you expect to raise good children when you abandon them at such a young age?”

Loki’s eyes narrowed. It gave Steve a chill. He shouldn’t have said that. He shouldn’t have put the lives of all the people around them at risk. “Our kind age differently than yours, and we instill responsibility quite early. We have means of communication and the majority of them live near at least one grandparent. Don’t question our parenting style or you might find me far less tolerant of your continued existence.” He stood a bit straighter. “This realm would not stand a chance if my ire is sparked.” 

“Thor wouldn’t stop us either,” Tony added. “Family is everything to him. He’s only known you for a blink of the eye. At best he would take his Lady Jane and a few others to Vanaheim as the rest of your kind went extinct.” 

Steve pursed his lips, trying not to shout at them for their arrogance and lack of respect for life. “We’d stop you. The Avengers have done it before and we’ll do it again.” A woman to their far left tripped, spilling a drink. A man’s suspenders lost its grip on his pants, wacking the person in front of him. The dominos were starting to fall. Steve raised his hands up in surrender. He wished once again Natasha was here. She’d know how to handle them. The chaos died down. 

A lovely strawberry blonde woman came to their side. “Mr. Stark, it’s time for your speech.” 

Tony’s smile turned angelic. “Thank you, Ms. Potts. Would you watch over my wife? She gets terribly lonely when I’m not around.” 

Loki let out a displeased noise that sounded decidedly more femanine than his original voice that he had just been using. “Why did I marry such an idiot, I’ll never know.” 

“Oh baby don’t treat me like that.” Tony goosed Loki and Steve really wished this wasn’t his life.

Loki batted at his hand, but was smiling nonetheless. Steve took a sip of his champagne just to keep himself from speaking. 

Tony started making his way up to the stage, but Loki stayed beside Steve. “You should rejoice, Avenger,” he said under his breath. “Have you not noticed that no one has attacked New York City since we declared that it is ours?” Loki gave him a sharp grin. “Can you imagine if we ruled this whole realm? You’d be out of the job.” 

Steve took in a deep breath. He really _ really _ wished Natasha was here. 

He focused on the platform Tony had taken at the front of the ballroom. Steve could admit that he had a charming smile. He went on about the charity the gala was for and how happy he was with the turn-out. He thanked a few specific people, peppering his speech with jokes. 

He had them all fooled, and Steve was sad to acknowledge that he’d be in the same boat if he hadn’t met him beforehand. 

“I owe all my success to my lovely wife, Loki. Though she may have the name of one of the people that attacked New York, she is an angel. This whole event was her idea. She wants to make the world a better place. I can only follow in her footsteps. That being said I’m happy to announce that I’ll be running for the House of Representatives this coming election!” 

The flute of champagne broke in Steve’s hand as everyone around him began cheering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a preview of the next chapter on my new Discord channel: [Marvel Fanwork Previews](https://discord.gg/YhjtJzK)! Please join in and share your own snippets and art so we can cheer each other on! 


	6. Chapter 6

“It’s air-tight,” Fury growled. It had been a month since Tony’s announcement. Since then SHIELD had been pouring their resources into proving they didn’t exist before Loki’s invasion. The problem was that everything they dug up indicated just the opposite. 

They had eyewitness accounts, videos of their graduation ceremonies, even little blurbs from when they signed yearbooks. 

Steve was just as frustrated as Fury. He’d been cooped up in the SHIELD facility that had been set aside for the Avengers. As Loki had said, no villains had dared attack New York City with them there, other than Loki himself. Even when a crisis happened outside of the city, if it was villain related, the fight would be settled before he could even get there. 

None of this helped his heavy feelings about Tony running for Representative. He was making a mockery of their democratic system. SHIELD had implemented counter measures, but the rumors and fabricated evidence were easily swept away with Tony calling them conspiracy theories and how people were trying to punish his wife just because her name was Loki. 

And Tony had that winning smile that raised his likeability for females ages 18-45. 

SHIELD had floated the idea of Steve running against him in the coming election, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He’d already lived as a dancing monkey before. He wasn’t in a rush to do so again. Besides that, he believed the military and lawmakers shouldn’t overlap. 

He felt like the Avengers were crumbling. Thor was all for Tony getting elected, claiming he was a master politician. Steve had tried to get it through his thick head that people from different realms shouldn’t have a say on how other people should be governed. Steve had tried using the example of how ludicrous it would be for Steve to try to govern Asgard. Thor had laughed it off, saying such a thing was impossible. Steve almost felt like Thor was saying the US government was inept, that they’d be better off under foreign rule. 

The only positive that had happened since Tony’s announcement was that Clint had come back. He cited that Loki had already gotten into his head once, and he wouldn’t let someone else who had done the same ruin all the progress he’d made since then. Steve had asked after Natasha. He just shook his head in response. 

“I still think we should just shoot them,” Clint said from Steve’s left of the boardroom table. He was messing with the fletching of one of his arrows. 

Thor made an indignant noise. Fury was quick to speak before Thor could go on another tirade. 

“They’re too well known.” Fury’s one eye narrowed. “Loki won bronze in the damn Olympics! They even have her—him, whatever! on security footage taking shelter and making a phone call to Tony during the Invasion of New York.” 

“Loki is male,” Thor added in. “He simply does not mind wearing a guise that benefits him.” 

Fury rolled his eye at Thor. “Moving on, how the hell did they fake all this? You said they barely left Asgard in the last 35 years other than to visit their children.” 

“I—” Music started to flare. Clint bolted up. Steve did the same. 

_ Please allow me to introduce myself _

_ I'm a man of wealth and taste _

_ I've been around for a long, long year _

_ Stole many a man's soul to waste _ _ _

Fury pulled out his phone. “Where the hell is that music coming from? Are we under attack.” 

“Haha,” Thor laughed nervously. 

_ And I was 'round when Jesus Christ _

_ Had his moment of doubt and pain _

_ Made damn sure that Pilate _

_ Washed his hands and sealed his fate _

_ Pleased to meet you _

_ Hope you guess my name _

_ But what's puzzling you _

_ Is the nature of my game _

The center of the table oozed dark blue. 

Clint aimed his arrow at it, Fury doing the same with his gun. 

“Stop, my friends! It is my niece, Morgan!” Thor shouted, raising his hands in placation. 

“All the more reason to shoot her,” Clint said under his breath. Steve only heard it over the music because of his enhanced hearing. 

The dark magic solidified. A woman with devious eyes appeared laying down on the table on her side with her head propped up. She had long brown hair and was almost a spitting image of Tony, but with a definitive femininity edge and green eyes. “Pleased to meet you.” Her smile was razor sharp, with a hint of mirth. “I actually inspired this song, though they weren’t really interested in my time before your made up little son of god.” 

Steve nearly choked on air, trying to find the words to respond to such blasphemy. 

Morgan clicked her nails on the table, sharp glinting nails that almost looked to be made out of metal.

“Niece! You are blessing us with your presence!” Thor said jovially while standing. He helped her off the table. 

“Just say the word, Fury,” Clint said. 

She glanced at the archer with the same bright green eyes that Loki had. She smiled and the bow and arrow disintegrated in his hands. 

“I come in peace,” Morgan said as the music faded away. “I’m even here to answer some of your questions.” 

“Wonderful!” Thor pulled her into a hug. “What age are you today, little one?”

Morgan extracted herself with an edge of annoyance that Steve couldn’t tell was real or not. 

“I’ve lost track, but I’m pretty sure I’m older than you,  _ little one. _ ” Thor only laughed harder. They weren’t making a lick of sense. 

“You better start talking or I’ll kick your motherfucking ass out of here!” Fury barked.

Morgan let out a startled laugh. “Good sir, I bedded no mothers! But as an unwelcome guest I shall endeavor to be brief. I am the Goddess of Time, and the evidence you saw that my parents existed on Midgard was merely me in their forms.” She gave a slight bow. “I knew they’d need a background on Midgard, so I made it for them while time traveling. Though it was certainly strange pretending to be them, and so annoyingly in love.” She shrugged. 

“Haha, my niece! Always the clever one!” 

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. When would this shit show be over? Why was all of Asgard’s family drama aimed at Earth?” 

“What do you plan on doing now?” Fury asked, nearly growled. 

“Oh, a younger version of me is talking to my parents right now. I always try to make an effort when father is pregnant. He enjoys my tales.” Morgan smiled fondly. 

“You are a balm to his soul, sweet Morgan.” 

“Answer the question!” 

Morgan’s nose scrunched up in distaste at Fury’s shouting. “I’m going to visit one of the Sanctum Sanctorum where I store my favorite tools of magic. I never know what the Ancient One is up to in my absence!” She turned to Thor. “Ta, uncle!” She blew a kiss at him then disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sleepy Silver. I've been having fun with my new discord channel, supporting folks and giving previews of my stories~


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by my dear SalamanderInk. They're always a big help :)

* * *

“This is bullshit,” Clint grumbled under his voice, just barely audible over the car engine. 

Steve was in agreement, but he wouldn’t have put it so crassly. He tried to keep his focus on the road. 

“It is for the children,” Thor said. He was the only one happy about the situation, which was really par for the course. 

“There has to be something going on behind the scenes. This has to be a trap.” When it came to Loki and Tony, it was a foregone conclusion. 

“At least you don’t have to go into the dunk tank,” Steve said, an undercurrent of anger in his voice. 

“I too suffer! Loki was the great story teller in Asgard. I shall only succeed in this endeavor due to his many tales told ‘round the campfire!” Thor let out a hearty chuckle. 

Steve sighed. They were going to a charity function hosted by Stark Industries with all funds allegedly going to help underprivileged children. The Avengers hadn’t even been aware of the event until they saw themselves endorsing it in the news with a promise of participating. They couldn’t get out of it then. So now they were driving to a fairground at six in the morning, with Steve carrying a pair of star-spangled swim trunk—SHIELD issued of course, and a change of clothes in a bag. 

That wasn’t the only event he had to be part of, though.  _ Arm-Wrestling with Cap! _ What was worse, was that if someone else won against him, their prize was a date with him. He knew no one would be able to beat him, but still—the indignity of it all! That was practically prostitution considering they were paying to arm-wrestle him. 

Clint was getting off easy. All he had to do was make trick shots and then later on teach ‘evasion maneuvers’ in the go kart arena. 

Steve did have to admit that Thor had the worst of the draw. Other than tell stories of Asgard, he would man a kissing booth—kisses strictly on the cheek. But it wasn’t that much of a blow since he was all for it and Jane had said she didn’t mind. 

Clint huffed out a laugh. “I’m going to have some fun when Tony gets in the dunk tank. I might even use all this month’s paycheck.” 

“Be warned, my friend.” Thor leaned towards them from the back seat. “More than once Tony and Loki have used their magic to swerve a warrior’s strike.” 

Clint threw his hands up into the air. “So they’re going to fuck up my aim? Why am I not surprised?!”

Steve drummed his thumbs against the steering wheel. He found a silver lining. “Well, gang, at least Tony is matching donations dollar for dollar!”

Clint crossed his arms while staring out the window.

*

Pepper Potts was tall for a woman, but Steve supposed that was highlighted by her heels. He’d been too focused on Tony during the gala the other night to have noticed her before. He had to wonder if she was another Asgardian in disguise. Thor had no answer for him though. 

“Sit down,” she ordered the three of them. There was a strength in her voice that reminded him of Peggy, making his chest ache, but Ms. Potts was firmly in camp-Stark, making everything she said and did suspicious. He wouldn’t be surprised if this was another one of their tricks. 

Ms. Potts rattled off their schedules, what was expected of them, and what not to do as their hair and makeup was done. Thor seemed to be the only one enjoying it, he even asked their hairstylist for another scalp massage. Steve didn’t understand how he could be so complacent, before remembering that he’d dealt with Loki and Tony far longer than the rest of them had. 

“What about Loki and Tony’s schedule?” Steve asked. SHIELD needed an idea on where they would be considering they were trying to break into the highrise they’d bought and used as their base. 

“For most of the day Loki will be telling riddles and giving away door prizes at the East Pavilion, with plenty of breaks to ensure her and the baby’s health. Tony will be doing a tech-workshop for all ages at ten till one, the dunk tank from two to four, and another show at five.” Steve compared it with his own schedule. He was going to work the ticket booth at the entrance in the morning, then the dunk tank, and in the evening arm-wrestle. Steve was just grateful that Thor would be at the kissing booth when Steve was arm-wrestling. Hopefully that would draw some people away from his event. 

They were finally released with a stern warning from Ms. Potts to be on their best behavior. Steve was tempted to laugh at that. Loki and Tony should be the ones she was worrying about. 

As Steve walked towards the entrance he felt a melancholy settle in his soul. Coney Island… Being in a fairground was reminding him too much of simpler days,  _ better _ days. The scent of funnel cakes and hot dogs slowed his steps. The ring toss booth he passed brought images of Bucky winning prizes for his gal of the night. The ‘Must be This Tall to Ride’ signs made a lump form in his throat, remembering all the times he’d not quite made the cut. 

As the ticket booth and line of people waiting to be admitted came into view, he plastered a smile on his face. Time to put on a show.

*

Steve wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with the pocketful of phone numbers he’d gotten from women and men as he sold tickets. It contrasted so much with his life before the serum when eyes didn’t even look low enough to see that he was there. 

He changed into his swim trunks and one of his running shirts, taking a moment to himself. 

It hadn’t occurred to him before, but maybe the dunk tank was another cruel joke. He could picture Loki turning the water ice cold, plunging Steve back into one of his worst nightmares. Why were the Avengers always the target? Loki hadn’t looked all that angry at having lost at the Battle of New York. If anything, he had looked like it was some sort of joke. 

And if what Morgan said was true, that meant she could change any detail with time travel to keep Loki and Tony from being unmasked. It was like Steve could never win. What was the point of it all?

He made it to the dunk tank and eyed it dubiously. Ms. Potts was there, looking composed despite the summer heat and crowded area. She looked him over before giving a curt nod. 

“Stand in front of the tank, please.” Ms. Potts’ voice held the authority of a general, and Steve found himself doing as she said automatically. “Mr. Parker.”

A lanky teen appeared with a camera—Not a cell phone which seemed to be what everyone else took photos with, but a real camera. 

“Big smile please, Mr. Captain Rogers,” Parker said while raising his camera to his eye and messing with the lense. Steve let out a huff of a laugh at the teen’s awkwardness. He heard the shutter of the camera a few times. Parker glanced at the screen, his tongue sticking out slightly in concentration. Steve laughed again, but his heart twinged. Hopefully one day he’d have a kid like that, but without Peggy it felt like a distant dream. Parker turned to Ms. Potts. “I’ll post these asap. I already have a good hashtag trending.”

“Thank you, Mr. Parker.” The teen scurried off, all gangly limbs and energy. 

After Ms. Potts’ prompting, Steve climbed into the dunk tank. He lowered himself into the water, testing the temperature to make sure Loki wasn’t tormenting him with reminders of the second worst day of his life where he plunged into the arctic water. It was fine, slightly heated from the bright sun. 

He put on another smile as the first person stepped up to the line with a softball. 

*

Another round of picking and prodding at his appearance. Steve hated the makeup, but he admitted his hair needed a little help after his shower. 

He was just glad his time in the dunk tank had been tame. And it was admittedly cute seeing little kids throw the softball then eventually just running up to the target and slapping it. The parents had been apologetic, but he’d waved them off. Kids would be kids. 

“Be subtle with it,” the man that would be working the door said while putting hand sanitizer by Steve’s seat. “It’s not going to be as bad as the con crud, but safety first.” 

Steve thanked him and used the sanitizer. He wished it had been around back in his day. It would have saved him a lot of trouble and trips to the hospital. Though Steve wasn’t sure what con crud was. He’d have to look it up later. He was still blindsided by the random lingo despite having been in this new millennium for over three years. 

His face was already sore from his dayful of giving his media smile. 

If he thought working the entrance was bad he’d been naive. Now people had more time to flirt with him, a few even brushing their feet against his, one lady even going higher causing him to nearly fall backwards in his haste to reclaim his personal space. After that he spoke with the person manning the door. A chalkboard with a warning was put up, much to Steve’s embarrassment and relief. 

Evening set in. Hunger weighed him down. The line had been cut off, people no longer able to join in. When he was done with this he’d get a few hotdogs and find a secluded place to refill his battery. 

Another ‘challenger’. At this point all their faces blended together. He was on autopilot. Steve thanked them for their donation and took their hand. The man flexed his grip while smiling brightly. Something flickered in Steve’s mind. He took a closer look at the man, average looking with a sharp, long nose—and he was decked out in Captain America paraphernalia. 

“Don’t hold back,” he said, his voice surprisingly lyrical. 

Steve nodded, having heard that a fair amount in the last two hours. 

“Ready, set, go!” Steve called out. He flexed his arm, pretending his ‘challenger’ was putting a strain on him. Now to put him out of his misery—The back of Steve’s hand hit the table. He stared blankly at their joined hands, not able to process what just happened. 

“Two out of three?” the other man said. His hazel eyes were bright. 

Steve cleared his throat, dazed. “Uhm.”

The other man leaned conspiratorially close. “Don’t worry, I bought three chances.” He flashed three ticket stubs. Steve noticed that his fingernails were ash-grey. 

“Okay.” They joined hands again—with the same results as before. 

Steve gaped at him. The stranger grinned, showing slightly uneven teeth. “Looks like we’re going on a date.” He looked Steve up and down, his smile growing. “I should probably tell you my name. I’m Sleipnir Stark, and yes, I am hung like a horse.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it!

* * *

Clint gnawed on a strip of beef jerky, his eyes sharp from his perch on the opposite side of the street. He had a perfect view of the cafe Steve was stuck in. Poor Steve who had been tricked into going on a date with one of Loki’s ilk. 

Sleipnir Stark had no records of the human variety, but there were plenty of mythology with him in it. Mythical horse with eight legs, Odin’s steed, bla bla bla. To Clint, it all boiled down to the lanky fucker being related to Loki. Another one of his asshole kids that couldn’t give a shit about human life. And now he had Cap cornered. 

Clint had his back, if only he could get within fifteen feet of the cafe. It was the same for the other SHIELD agents too. There was a sort of forcefield that was a Loki Classic™. Clint shoved that thought in his mental dumpster. Loki didn’t deserve to have a classic anything—Even if he was an old fucker. 

Horse-Face made a joke and Cap freakin’ chuckled. Clint wanted to shake his shoulders. No fraternizing with the enemy! And was Steve blushing? What the actual fuck?

Clint couldn’t read Sleipnir’s lips. It was the same way with Thor, something having to do with the All-Speak. For all Clint knew, Horse-Face could be reciting spells and summoning demons. Steve didn’t look worried though, beyond his obvious fidgeting. God, Clint was so glad he wasn’t in his place. He would have freaked the fuck out and attack the bastard. 

If only it had been Natasha. She was a pro at putting people at ease and wringing every drop of information out of them. 

Clint frowned. She had disappeared two weeks ago from his farm. Clint hadn’t had the heart to tell Steve, but SHIELD was tirelessly looking for her. He missed her like crazy, but understood where she was coming from. He’d seen it too, afterall. But maybe that’s where they differed. Clint had always known he was going to hell. Natasha hadn’t believed in the afterlife. Natasha thought she could balance out all she’d done, tip the scales and absolve herself. Clint believed that making the world a bit better was the least he could do for his family, for Lila and Cooper. Leave it a bit better than how he found it. 

Clint focused back on the ‘date’. Horse-Face had a fork up with a piece of cake on it—Clint gagged. He was trying to feed Cap. And Steve even leaned forward and ate it. For the thousandth time Clint asked how this was his life. 

“Quite the pair,” a familiar and loathed voice said from Clint’s immediate left. He didn’t move right away, some instinct knowing a weapon was pointed at him. He flicked his eyes to the side. He didn’t recognize the man beside him, but that voice was unmistakably Loki’s. “I tried to dissuade him from this, but my oldest son has always found ‘heroes’ fascinating. I blame myself for letting him spend so much time with Thor.” Loki clicked his tongue. “He devoured the story of your captain’s trumped up history. Norns know he has Tony’s charm. Hopefully he’ll grow bored of him soon enough.” 

From the corner of his eye Clint could see the firm line Loki’s lips made. His annoyance almost made this whole shit show worth it. 

Clint kept his mouth shut, though. He wasn’t a loose canon anymore. Coulson had—And the small spark of joy he’d been fostering was snuffed out. If Clint could get away with it, he’d kill Loki right now. 

He focused on Cap to keep his need for revenge in check. 

Steve was blushing. Fury was going to eat him alive. 

Loki’s hand ghosted over his stomach. Clint briefly wondered how all his shapeshifting affected the fetus. Probably not at all. Asgardians were tough fuckers. 

“Why are you still here? Why are you on my planet?” Clint tried not to let his bone deep exhaustion show through. He wished he could just live a normal life with his wife and kids in a normal world that didn’t have psycho gods and megalomaniacs hellbent on destruction. 

Loki let out a sigh that was almost wistful. “Well, Tony and I have been meaning to move out of Asgard and start our own dynasty.” 

Clint nearly choked, a thought digging into his mind. “Are we your—Are we your fucking starter home?!” 

Loki’s grin became sharp. “What an apt way of putting it! Yes, Midgard is our starter home! It’s almost embarrassing that we began one so late considering Hela already has her own kingdom!” 

“I think I’m going to be sick.” 

“Ah! It appears their date is over! I must go before Sleipnir accuses me once again of being overbearing!” 

*

“He wasn’t half bad,” Steve admitted, knowing he would only get flack for saying so. “He’s nothing like his parents.” 

“I know you know the saying the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Your school boy shit doesn’t work on me, Rogers,” Fury said, clearly already on his last nerve. Steve wasn’t sure how someone with such a short fuse was the director of SHIELD. “Bottom line, do you think he could be an asset?” 

“You can’t trust him, _ any _of them, including Thor,” Clint said. 

Steve didn’t like that they’d started excluding him from most of their meetings, but Fury had insisted and Steve saw the merit in it. Thor was a good guy, but blind when it came to his family. 

Steve shifted in his seat. “He—the way he talked about his family… He clearly loves them. I might be able to get him to talk more about them, but… Sleipnir’s a good guy. I don’t want to _ use _ him like that.”

“We’ve got a crisis on our hands, Rogers, and you want to play house?!” Fury leaned forward as Steve raised his walls. “This is bigger than Loki’s invasion. Bigger than _ Hydra _. They already have a strong hold on our economy! I doubt Stark plans to stop at Congress! Motherfucker is aiming for the Presidency!”

Steve flinched. “We’ll reveal them before that,” he said, but his words fell flat even to himself. He changed course. “If we try to use Sleipnir, think of how they’ll react when they find out I was using their son?” He took in a breath. “Loki is already crazy. He’d lose it. And Tony, I can’t even imagine what he would do.” 

There was a tense silence. Clint’s arms were crossed over his chest as he stared at the table with a scowl. Fury was unreadable. 

“We’ll be careful.” Fury looked at the two other occupants of the room. “Rogers, you’ll be upfront that you don’t know if you’re interested in romance with Sleipnir, but you’re willing to go on a few dates with him. Talk about how his parents are causing problems. Don’t give any trade secrets away though.” Fury stood. “I’ll have some of our analysts put together an operational plan.” 

Fury left and Steve sighed to himself. This was not a good idea. 

*

Clint’s heart was in his throat. The pictures were damning. Natasha had gone over to Loki’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi I enjoy comments of all lengths and legibility/illegibility. (I've literally just learned that some readers are worried about that so they end up not commenting.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter because I was very happy where it ended.

* * *

Brunch was a wonderful thing, in Thor’s opinion. Or was it second breakfast? He’d heard of that term before, but couldn’t remember from where. Either way, another meal was always welcomed. Especially one made by his brother. While the Midgardians had a large assortment of food, nothing could compare to the meals he grew up with. And Loki was by far the best cook, especially when Tony was in a good mood. The spices danced together, the fire the perfect temperature, and the departed Goddess of Cooking blessed it. 

As it had been since he was a wee lad, he was banished from the kitchen. He was not even allowed to do the dishes, which was just fine with him. 

It was rare for Thor to be invited to visit Loki and his family, and he took great joy whenever the occasion came about. That was not the only thing to be merry about though. The meal was in good company. Sleipnir, Jormungandr, and Frode (though he insisted on being called Peter since that was the name he was going by on Midgard), were all in attendance. 

Thor and his nephews and nespring were seated around the table. Sleipnir was on his phone. He used it easily despite typing being archaic by Asgard’s standards. He let out the occasional snickered laugh. Peter was moving through designs that Tony had made. Thor adored his voracious need for knowledge, despite not understanding it himself. And Jormungandr was— 

The currently six foot serpent banged the top half of their body on the table, causing the nearby dishes to clatter. They had been wise enough not to put anything breakable in front of them. Jormungandr was, as the Midgardians so artfully put it, hangry. 

No one paid Jormungandr any mind even though they were causing a ruckus. Thor knew Loki had enchanted everything in their highrise home to be sturdy just for such occasions. 

“Jormungandr!” Loki practically screeched from the kitchen. Jormungandr hit the table harder. Peter caught a teacup before it could shatter on the floor, not even looking away from Tony’s designs. 

Jormungandr’s forked tongue flopped around, their gills flaring. Thor was just glad they had yet to find out about rattlesnakes. Doubtlessly they would relish another way to make noise. 

From the kitchen Tony squawked. Thor braced himself for the chaos of bad luck, but the tidal wave didn’t come—yet. Tony and Loki charged in. Tony had a newspaper in hand while Loki was holding a sauce covered mixing spoon. “I’m going to kill him!”

“No, I’m going to kill him!” Loki shouted, talking with his hands and splattering red sauce everywhere. “No one talks about my baby like this and lives!”

Tony slammed the newspaper on the table sending the teacup that Peter had just caught careening over the edge and shattering on the floor. “This mortal doesn’t know who he’s messing with! My little Prince of Webs deserves more than this!” 

“You guys—” Peter tried to say, but was drowned out by his parents’ ranting. 

Thor took the newspaper. It was the Daily Bugle. He cringed, the cover lambasted Spider-Man. “It has a wonderful picture of Peter though,” Thor tried, but he couldn’t cut through the noise. 

“Shall I felay him, for our dinner?!” Loki shouted, the spoon flying out of his hand and lodging itself into the wall. Jormungandr flopped around the table in agreement. 

“Vegetarian,” Sleinir pointed out, still not looking away from his phone. 

“You guys! I’m making money off him! I don’t care what he thinks of the alternate persona of my other alternate persona!” Peter said over their hysteria.

“Money! You are a Prince! Do we not provide a large enough allowance for you?!” Loki turned on Tony, shoving him. “Fix it! I won’t have my child living in squalor!” 

Tony looped his arm around Loki’s hips, pulling him closer and stopping his flailing. “ _ Our _ child, Loki.” He kissed his cheek, mollifying Loki, if only for a moment. “Peter, you’re the God of Traps. You are a master at blackmailing people and twisting them into doing what you want them to. We don’t understand why you insist on cooperate with someone who is doing a smear campaign on your alternate’s alternate—Grand-alternate? Whatever.” 

Peter sighed while rolling his eyes, once again reminding Thor that he was Loki and Tony’s youngest son. “That’s too easy. I’m trying to spread my wings. Photography is interesting and I thought you would appreciate that I’m making money off his anger.” 

Loki pursed his lips as Tony cracked a smile. “See, Lokes. You taught him well.” 

Loki harrumphed before grabbing the spoon from the wall and stomping back to the kitchen. Tony looked after him fondly before winking at Peter. 

Sleipir cleaned the area with a wisp of silver magic and Jormungandr redoubled their efforts on trying to be as loud as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fyi I began Uni (for the first time in years) so my posting will come a bit slower :p


	10. Chapter 10

In a sick way, Natasha living in the same high-rise that Loki and Tony owned made it easier for Clint to find her. Breaking in was easy, unlike how it had gone when SHIELD tried to infiltrate the building to get at Loki and Tony’s floors. Hell, her door wasn’t even locked. 

He steeled himself, a thousand and one questions on the tip of his tongue. Her apartment was—It was in the same style of the little room at his farm that she claimed as her own, but bigger and better. 

She was sitting by the window in a beam of sunlight. For a split second she looked like an angel, her hair glowing like a halo and eyes bright. He felt another piece of his heart break. 

“Why? Why did you do it, Natasha? After all they’ve done to the world, after what they did to you—Please tell me this is one of your gambits,” he begged. 

Natasha set down a book he hadn’t noticed her reading. “I’m sorry, Clint. Nothing has been simple since Loki’s invasion.” She glanced away from him. “Then Queen Hela… I know you saw it too.” She sighed, sounding defeated.

His anger flared. “Yeah, but you don’t see me going to the enemy’s side! You put this behind us, Nat! You were one of the good guys! You can be a good guy again! Just come home.” He reached out for her. “Just come home.” 

Natasha shook her head. Clint’s outstretched hand balled up into a fist. “The moment we fought with Thor on our side we doomed ourselves.”

“You’re not making any sense.” His throat felt tight. He’d saved her once and he’d do it again.

“Before Thor showed up, I was an atheist. I believed there was no after-life. It would just be like going to a dreamless sleep and never waking up, but Thor—” She took in a shuddering breath. “He made me believe, made me realize there were things outside of my understanding. I didn’t realize it… When we fought by his side he pulled us into his religion of Valhalla and Helheim. Death would have been nothing if… but when I… It opened the door to thinking there could be something else after death.” She looked up at him with desperate eyes. “I don’t know how to explain it, Clint, but being here is my only chance to go to Valhalla instead of Helheim.” 

“This is… I don’t know what lies they’re feeding you, but it’s bullshit!” His anger was becoming unhinged. “You’re my teammate! My  _ family _ ! Just come home, Nat!”

She was unaffected by his shouts. “Thor was the one to explain it to me. Their religion is elastic when it comes to morals. The ‘good-side’, the side that will help me get to Valhalla is whatever side King Odin and his family is on. When they make me immortal I’ll have enough time to tip the scales in my favor then get to Valhalla in the blaze of battle.” 

Clint laughed mirthlessly. “Is that really what it’s about? Or are you just afraid of dying?” He shook his head. Saying that wouldn’t get her to come home. He had to change tactics. “They’re lying. Loki is doing what he always does, tricking people. They’re  _ using _ you! Can’t you see that?!” She shook her head slightly. “And even—If Thor is telling the truth, he’s on the Avengers’ side!”

“But Odin isn’t on the Avengers’ side.” She sat up a bit straighter and there was a flash of fear in her eyes. “Clint, we don’t mean shit to him. To him, Thor interacting with us is—It’s like Thor is driving to the beach on a three-day weekend!” Her eyes became crazed. “Do you really know why Odin had Thor bring Loki back in handcuffs?! It wasn’t because he values human life or our independence, but because Loki attacked a place Thor declared under his protection!”

“Nat—”

“Odin  _ wants _ Loki here! He wants him to take over Earth! The only reason he hasn’t made Thor help them is because them fighting against each other is good training! We’re  _ nothing _ to them, and I refuse to be on the losing side.”

Clint shook his head. 

“Join my side, Clint. You know what is waiting for you in the after-life. I don’t want you to have to face that again.” 

“Fuck… Fuck you, Natasha. We’re a team. I’m not going to let them trick you.” From his sleeve he slipped out a Stunner-Disk. It had enough volts to knock her out, if he could get it on her skin. 

“Don’t. Just don’t.” She pulled out a necklace that had been hidden by her shirt. “It’s an amulet of protection. Nothing you do can touch me.” 

Maybe, but he still had to try. He charged her. He rarely won against her in hand-to-hand combat, but there was always the chance—

A wave of gold jolted through him. His limbs seized up and he fell to the ground. 

Natasha crouched beside him. “You saved me once, Clint. Let me do the same for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does angst keep happening?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter! I'm not sure if this was completely edited~ I'm saving my brain power for going into uni today :(

* * *

Pepper Potts was not a perfectionist, despite what many may think. She was just very, very good at seizing opportunities. Though she was a good person, she had no qualms with stepping on people in the business world to get herself better positioned. As far as she was concerned, it was survival of the fittest. 

She had plenty of tools to help her along the way, some as sharp as daggers while others were as soft as silk. 

It was no surprise that when Stane was ousted from SI that she smoothly facilitated Tony Stark into power, that Pepper flawlessly gliding on his coattails. She had been comfortable working for Stane even if she had her doubts on his ethics. She never found anything she could use to leverage on him to get a pay raise or better office. 

Now her business skills were directed into the political arena, and she loved it. Pepper was thriving, and not just because of her new job. 

Since one of her greatest abilities being a keen nose for sniffing out opportunities, she quickly uncovered that Tony and Loki weren’t human. She’d been put off balance when she found out Mrs. Loki Stark was the same Loki that attacked New York, but… she’d seen their political plan, and if Tony got elected that just meant he had the will of the people backing him up. 

Pepper had been careful when she approached the pair about her knowing they weren’t human, and her hunch paid off. They were delighted that she’d found out, even giving her a pay raise. There wasn’t even a hint of threat of what they’d do if she told anyone else the truth, not that she was planning to. 

They were also happy to offer her another perk: a golden apple. 

Pepper had never desired immortality before, thinking it was a fool’s errand and if science got there it would happen regardless of whether she hoped it would or not. That being said, she didn’t turn it down. It was a good opportunity, after all. 

But in order to get it she had to go to Asgard, since it was against the law to export them. It was also against the law for a mortal to go to Asgard, but they had a way around that. 

To lower the chances of being spotted as a mortal, Pepper was dressed in Asgardian clothing. She had to admit, the material was butter soft and made her feel empowered—not that she really lacked self-confidence. Pepper knew herself inside and out, both her weaknesses and strengths. 

Peter, who she was still getting to know, put her hair in an intricate updo. He’d been dramatically melancholy that he hadn’t had a chance to weave an elaborate web in ages and that this would have to hold him over. Pepper wasn’t sure which of his parents he got his dramatics from, if not both. 

In Pepper’s opinion both Tony and Loki were a joy to be around. They weren’t confined by the norms Pepper had spent her whole juggling—Having to have a college degree to get a good job, smoothly letting jokes about her being a spinster and ice queen flow off her shoulders, holding her tongue so that she wouldn’t get fired. 

They welcomed her, didn’t judge her when she was in sweats (even though she was always dressed immaculately outside of their circle). They welcomed her criticism and when she called them out. They didn’t care about her history, only her abilities. 

Pepper made her way up to the lounge floor in the highrise, Stark Tower, as they recently named it. She was surprised to see a stranger, but as their eyes met she identified them. 

“World Serpent Jormungandr,” Pepper said with a slight bow. She’d been informed of how to refer to them, since they were neither male or female. There was a gender neutral word for princess/prince in Asgardian, but she butchered it whenever she tried to say it. 

“Lady Pepper.” They nodded at her, but their eyes were staring out into the distance. 

She took a moment to look them over. They were a good head taller than Loki. Their hair was pencil straight, unlike Loki’s poorly hidden curls and Tony’s floof. The grey strands had an undertone of blue. They had Loki’s fine features, but with yellow eyes that matched their other form. 

They were wearing a long robe that was tied in front. It almost looked like a kimono, but with tighter sleeves and a thinner belt. 

In the dull morning light, their skin almost glistened. A fine sheen of silver and gold that matched some of their scales in their other form. 

Their demeanor was so different than what she was used to. They looked regal compared to the other siblings Pepper had met.

There was something off with their eyes. It took a moment for Pepper to realize it was that they had no eyelids. Instead there was a film covering them. It gave her pause. Was Jormungandr blind?

Before Pepper could find a delicate way of inquiring, Loki appeared. His features were slightly different than what she was used to, more masculine. He also was wearing the armor she’d seen him wearing many times in the news, but with room for his belly. 

Loki went straight to Jormungandr, fussing with their outfit. It made Pepper smile. The big bad villain from the Battle of Manhattan was a softy when it came to his kids. 

“Will the others join us?” Pepper asked once Loki was satisfied with Jormungandr’s appearance. 

“Tony and Peter have confined themselves in the lab, and Sleipnir is on another date with the Captain.” Loki rolled his eyes. “I am cursed with an idiot for a husband and rebellious children.” 

“And then there’s Topf,” Jormungandr added with a smirk that was all Loki. 

Loki made a pained noise. “That girl tests my patience at every turn!”

“Grandmother says it karma for how you drove her mad when you were a teenager.” Jormungandr looked pleased. “Morgan said she took her to the past in Vanaheim and Topf became a ghost tale that is told even to this day.”

“Norns help me.” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. “Those two should never be in the same room. I have no doubt that they will be the real cause of Ragnarok.”

Jormungandr smiled, showing white teeth that narrowed into sharp black fangs. “Don’t count me out yet, father. I will overtake Asgard with a flood and be the death of Uncle Thor.” 

Loki let out a pained noise. “That legend does not please me. I won’t allow him to kill you!” 

Jormungandr shrugged. “Death must come for us all. It is said that I will fall but moments before all is destroyed. Sounds like I’ll have a good run.”

Loki collapsed against Jormungandr, clutching their arm. “Speak no more of this or find my heart in tatters.” 

Jormungandr extracted their arm. “Grandmother is waiting.” Their eyes turned to Pepper, snapping herself out of the mild jealousy she had for their relationship. 

They beckoned her forward. She didn’t hesitate to go to their side. Jormungandr held out their hand, a shifting ball of water forming there. They threw it upwards and it encapsulated them in a bubble. It churned around them, blurring colors and light refracting in a dazzling display. 

_ Pop! _

The bubble burst, a new world before Pepper. A garden of unrecognizable flowers and smells. 

“You have improved in your teleportation. Have you been practicing with Sleipnir?” Loki was smiling softly. 

“I don’t need his help,” Jormungandr grumbled. 

Loki looked to Pepper, a wide smile in place. “I have to use the Bifrost or secret pathways to travel between realms, but Jormungandr and Sleipnir don’t need them. They’re so talented!”

“Here we go again.” Jormungandr was clearly exasperated. 

“Nothing can compare to the progeny of Tony and my combined genius! Norns know the realms are bettered with each child we have!” Loki touched his stomach. “This child shall be no different! A gift to Yggdrasil! Blessed by the Norns!”

“Another grandchild for me to dote on,” a beautiful blonde woman said, appearing from a stone path. Her smile was gentle and Pepper could see the physical similarities between her and Thor. 

Pepper bowed deeply, not saying a word. Frigga gave her a nod of acknowledgement, but her focus was on Loki and Jormungandr. She had thought they were going immediately to Idunn to get the golden apple, but… so long as Pepper remained respectful there wouldn’t be any problems. 

“Mother!” Loki’s face lit up, the way Pepper had only seen when he and Tony were plotting and being dramatic with each other. 

“My son, you should have told me you were coming. We could of had a feast and shown you off to Asgard.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Yes, because I adore feasts and the venomous words of the rabble.” He made a dismissive hand gesture. “I haven’t the time for such frivolous things. Tony and I are still at the nascent stages of our conquests—And Norns help me if I must once again listen to Odin berate our method!”

Frigga moved closer to him, cupping his face with both hands. “He means no harm, Loki. That is simply the way he has always expanded Asgard’s power.” Before he could argue she leaned up and kissed him on the forehead. Pepper briefly wondered if that was how parents greeted their children on Asgard, since she’d seen Tony and Loki do the same. She turned to Jormungandr. “How tall you’ve grown. The surf and seas must yield to your whims easily now.” 

Jormungandr smiled, thin lipped but genuine. “I find myself curling around the lava trenches to hibernate. Hurricanes form from my yawns and floods from my laughter. Tsunamis come and go as I scower my scales on the fine sand.” Their eyes narrowed. “My anger with the mortals has grown, though. Their filth has tarnished my domain.”

“We plan to fix that, of course,” Loki added. “Tony already has a few ideas, but we’ll need you to map out the worst of it.” Jormungandr let out a puff of air. “That should be easy since I  _ know _ you’ve practiced your penmanship as I instructed you to do a century ago.” Pepper almost laughed at his scolding, but held it in. No need to draw notice to herself. 

“Of course, father. You needn’t worry.” Jormungandr was overly innocent. Pepper grinned to herself. 

Loki gave them the stink eye. 

Frigga tittered to herself and gave him a hug. “You know you are always welcomed to our waters. I just fear they are too cramped even when you downsize yourself.” She held his upper arms, smiling tinderly at him. “Your nesting pools are still in the palace, freshened up daily. In this form you can surely fit.”

“I’m only here for a few hours to see you and the twins. Being bipedal gives me,” they smirked, “land-sickness.” 

Frigga’s laughter was like Christmas bells. Pepper figured it was an old inside joke. 

Frigga turned to Loki, still holding onto Jormungandr. “Tell me, what is the gender or lack of gender of my newest grandchild?” she asked, reaching for Loki’s stomach. His armor disappeared, replaced by a soft tunic. He took her hand and guided it to the bump. 

“They have yet to reveal theirself to me, much like Frode did. Norns know that spider gave me enough trouble with his need to hide and startle people. If this one does too, it will be doubly tiresome since we must maintain the appearance of being mortals.”

“For someone who relishes in surprising others, you certainly can be a poor sport when it comes to being surprised,” she admonished, but her eyes were soft in love and humor. 

“Chaos is to be at my fingertips! Not others!” 

“Whatever you say, sweetie.” There was just a hint of teasing in her words. “What has brought you here, if not to see me?”

“I have sorely missed Beate and Bodil. I have never been parted from them for this long before.” He rested his hand over his heart. “Norns be blessed, but I have no doubt they haven’t even noticed my absence.” 

“Nay, Loki, we have spoken of your newest pregnancy,” Frigga comforted him. “They merely have much on their own mind as it stands.” 

Loki raised a sharp eyebrow. “Do tell, mother. I’m in no mood for veiled truths.”

Frigga let out a humming noise and Jormungandr grinned. “Once more hypocrisy colors your visage.” 

“I’m pregnant. Were you not the one who told me I could do as I please while carrying my child?” Loki cupped his stomach. 

“Yes, but I told you that only is the case when it came to Tony. He was in need of whipping into shape,” Frigga said.

Loki rolled his eyes. “That hasn’t stopped being the case, mother, I assure you of that.” 

“As one can only expect when dealing with your lofty ideas of romance.”

Loki jutted his chin out. “I am a prince! He should kiss my feet in reverence!” 

“Not this again,” Jormungandr sighed out. 

“Be that as it may, tell me when is the baby’s blessing to be held and where?” She brushed her hand against Loki’s stomach again.

Loki grinned. “The Midgardians call it a baby shower. We shall hold it on Midgard. And no, I will not invite The Idiots Four.”

“I won’t argue that point, but what of Thor’s Midgardian friends? Shall they be invited?” 

“Of course! They’re my friends too!” Pepper doubted that, but was smart enough not to say so. Loki started on a tangent of all the ‘games’ he’d played with the Avengers. 

*

After more of the family chatting they headed to Idunn’s orchard. It was not what Pepper expected. Instead of neat rows of trees it was more akin to a forest. Trees of varying color and height were mixed together. Bushes both of thorns and gossamer crowded the small stone paths. Vines snaked their way upwards, some writhing while others held tightly to trellises. 

The aroma in the air was cloying, sweet, but Pepper didn’t mind it. 

Flits of light danced among it all, fairies. They were surprisingly akin to Earth’s tales. Glittering wings, androgenous faces with teasing little smiles, all a breath away from ensnaring her. Pepper could only brace herself on how those qualities would doubtlessly be amplified by being the offspring of Tony and Loki. 

Loki waved off Jormungandr to talk to Idunn. Jormungandr made an annoyed noise, realizing he was being used to get the apple without Frigga noticing. Pepper hesitated, not knowing who to go with. Loki waved her to follow him. 

They walked deeper into the orchard, more fairies dancing through the branches. Many lowered their heads in deference to Loki and Frigga. Others seemed not to even notice them. 

They broke through the trees and into a small meadow. In the middle was a dollhouse sized palace supported on a column of vines. It had sharp spire that curved and reminded Pepper of the spindle in Sleeping Beauty. There was a waterfall coming off the side that dissolved into nothing before it could hit the ground. Music was playing playing faintly. It was a mixture of ska and country, though she doubted they would call it that. The pulsing music made the frosted glass windows shake with each heavy beat. 

Loki cleared his throat and sent a wisp of magic to the drawbridge that was more aesthetic than functional considering there was no moat. 

The music cut off sharply followed by a crashing sound. In a flash of light countless fairies burst out of the palace and fled the meadow. 

Loki pursed his lips and Pepper smiled. 

A few moments later two fairies appeared, but they looked far different than the rest. Instead of the soft nature colors the others sported, they looked like a photo negative. Their skin was a crisp teal, features highlighted in contrasting white. Their light grey hair seemed to glow and their wings were more like shadows than anything else. The air around them seemed to be warped, almost like air on hot pavement in the distance. They were 3/4ths the height of Pepper’s hand, but she would never underestimate them. 

One was adjusting her tinsel like crown. 

“Father!” they chorused together. 

They sounded angelic, innocent. Pepper wasn’t fooled for a second. 

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. “A party? At this hour? And who was supervising it? Must I visit you two more often?”

The pair were at face level with him, their shadow-wings fluttering lazily. They glanced at each other for a split second.

“It was Bodil’s idea!” one shouted. The other was on her in an instant reaching amazing speeds in the half a foot between them. Dagger like fingers lashed out, black magic following in their wake. The pair scuffled mid-air, descending slowly. 

Loki’s hands struck out like vipers grabbing both of them by their wings and separating them. One didn’t stop her struggle while the other cackled. 

“Or should I have Marrow live with you again.” That caused them both to freeze. 

“That—that isn’t necessary,” one stuttered out. 

“That  _ weed _ only cramps our style,” the other huffed. “How is she related to us again?” Loki pulled her closer to his face, narrowing his eyes. She looked away, her cheeks puffed up in petulance. 

“Just because your sister is different than you doesn’t give you the right to be rude.” He tossed the pair upwards. They took to the air easily. 

“If only you heeded your own advice,” Frigga cut in. 

“You are  _ not _ helping.” 

Frigga smiled angelically. “I never said I would.” Pepper could see where Loki got his mischief from. 

One fairy hiccuped, soap like bubbles coming from her mouth and floating upwards. Another came out, nearly knocking her backwards. 

Loki let out a shrill noise. “And you’ve been drinking?!” He clutched a hand over his chest. “Norns!”

“Oh, shove off, father!” Though her words were rude, they sounded more annoyed than anything. “Who do you think we first got drunk with? It was dad and Uncle Harley!” she shrugged. “We’re Bee-Fey. Mead is made out of  _ honey _ . I don’t know what you were expecting.” 

Loki sighed and collapsed into a chair that hadn’t been there a moment ago. “Where did I go wrong?” he lamented while covering his face.


End file.
